Chelsea Robin is a contributing writer for Nomade & Mode. A Nomade herself, Chelsea is originally from Calgary, Canada, and is now based in London, England where she recently earned her Masters of Science in Clinical Psychology. Connect with Chelsea on LinkedIn.
The decision to move to a new country and/or city may be made possible by the support system we have in place from the home we’re leaving. Friends and family may encourage our efforts, validate our goals, assist us in finding a place to live, help us pack and drive us to the destination or the airport. Once we arrive in our new home, reality sets in that, although we still have important people in our lives, they’re now far away. It’s important that we also build a community of friends to connect with regularly in our new environment.
Additionally, current worldwide circumstances and social distancing measures may have left us further separated from loved ones, and most of us have been isolated at home for a period of time. Because of this, our immediate surroundings can be at the forefront of our thoughts and our immediate personal connections, or lack thereof, possibly overwhelmingly apparent.
Loneliness is something we all experience, but may be particularly present during this time, and especially if we’ve recently moved. You’re not alone in loneliness! It’s something that can be overcome, and feeling connected can be part of your life again.
Here are 10 tips on how to overcome loneliness:
1. Acknowledge the thoughts that accompany your sense of loneliness
Ask yourself, “what thoughts, environments and behaviours escalate my sense of loneliness?” This will help identify the pattern that precedes your experience of loneliness and is the first step before an alternative thought process can occur. Write your answer to this question down. Putting thoughts into written words can help make the situation tangible and, in effect, manageable.
2. Realize that loneliness is a fluid feeling and not a solid fact
Uncomfortable feelings may lead the brain to process that there is a threat. This ‘threat’ then leaves your brain trying to solve and make sense of the situation. Theories may become confused as facts. Understanding that loneliness is not a permanent state can be the first step to accepting your experience. This gives you the platform to move forward with future thought and behaviour changes.
3. Compassion
We are all likely to feel lonely – there isn’t a need for a sense of shame or guilt to be attached to an already isolated experience. Speak to yourself with kindness and patience. What would be helpful and encouraging to say to a friend? Repeat this back to yourself, for yourself. Compassion goes a long way for preventing negative repetitive thoughts and embracing and taking care of yourself.
4. Warm-up with passing people
Any small social interaction can help you warm up to feeling connected. A wave to a neighbour, smiling at someone in the park, a short exchange of words to the grocery teller – all of these increase your engagement with your surroundings and community with minimal effort. These small efforts may lead to meaningful conversations too!
5. Always be present in other’s presence
It can be easy to fall into the habit of being detached when in another’s company. Try to consciously focus on what the other person is sharing with you; be inquisitive, curious and listen without distraction. Your interest may help you to feel more connected to that person in that moment. And, likely, your attention to them will be noticed and reciprocated.
6. Sincerity, always
Although it may not be appropriate to be frank with everyone we interact with, we can always be sincere. Being sincere with others offers an honest, genuine and candid interaction. You won’t leave the encounter feeling untrue to yourself or questioning what you did or how you said something. Over time the routine of sincerity gives you confidence in who you are and leaves others knowing your demeanor and character. You become a safe place for yourself in and outside of connections, as well as someone people know they can trust.
7. Letting go
There may be some people in our life that we feel more comfortable with than others. Write a list of the qualities in others that make you feel safe, supported and not judged. Those we trust – acquaintances, colleagues, friends, family members – we can practice connecting with. Talk to these people about authentic experiences, allow yourself to be expressive and give yourself permission to be awkward. Being explorative in this way can increase confidence in your ability to make connections.
8. Be persistent
It may take time to overcome loneliness, and this is OK and normal. The important thing is to practice the previous tips and notice the steps/wins you’re making. Keep challenging the assumptions and feelings to resign. If you’re making efforts to try new hobbies, groups, and routines, the first thing you attempt might not resonate. Exploring what rejuvenates and fulfills you – on your own or with others – will make overcoming loneliness sustainable, and will help you discover reliable tools that work for you.
9. Educate yourself
Become interested in why being connected and overcoming loneliness is important to you. Check out engaging professionals such as Vanessa Van Edwards from The Science of People who explore the ‘how’s’ and ‘why’s’ of human interaction. When we value connecting with others and understand how it enriches our lives, it’s worth being uncomfortable in the process to get there.
10. Reach out
Having a professional to speak to might help you to determine how to overcome loneliness. Search online for which psychotherapists or counselors are near you – someone whose office would be easy to attend. Alternatively, within the UK, organizations such as Chit Chat provide a safe space to talk about any topic, and a phone line is available on 0333 002 0333 from 9 am to 9 pm, 7 days a week. Check if there’s something similar in your country!
Hopefully one or more of these tips resonated with you. For this list condensed, check out my post with the mental health charity, Milestone. Let us know which tip helped you the most, and particularly, within what stage of your nomade journey. Furthermore, take a look at How To Make Friends in A New City for further guidance. You’re not alone, let’s stay connected!
